


Down To The Bone

by EmeraldEyes8917



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: Body Image, Eating Disorders, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Lovers, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-17 04:44:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16967925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldEyes8917/pseuds/EmeraldEyes8917
Summary: When Dan returns home from a songwriting trip, the reunion does not go to plan when dark secrets are brought to the surface.Mention of eating disorders and negative body image.





	Down To The Bone

Self esteem could often be like a swinging pendulum, careening from high to low at a moment’s notice.

This utterly described her time apart from Dan while he travelled to Texas to write songs with Brian and Arin for the next Starbomb album, a crucial part of his job, a way for him to express himself in the way that he so richly deserved.

But it did not stop her from missing him.

It was only three weeks in real time, yet it felt like an eternity with hours, minutes, even seconds passing by so very slowly.

Work gave her some measure of comfort and distraction for a few hours, but coming home to an empty apartment after so many months of having someone sharing it with her, of hearing him singing or talking about the latest Game Grumps project or just talking about the latest football game in a valiant attempt to teach her more about the sport, the silence is so deafening.

When the appointed day arrived that he was to return, she takes a half day from work to come home and wait for him. This was the first time apart from taking a plane or train back to her family when she would have taken any time off work, so this was extremely meaningful. 

Sitting on the sofa, hugging her knees, glancing between the clock and her phone, she feels like a tightly coiled spring, ready to leap at any single sound from the front door, imagining his face in her mind, wanting to hear his voice and to be taken up in his arms and held so very tight…

There is a jangle of keys and the turning of the lock, making her immediately face towards the door and get to her feet straight away, breathing quite rapidly.

She silently wills herself to calm down, for it wouldn’t help if she looked like someone possessed as soon as he walked in.

When the door opens and Dan steps in, he looks up and meets her eyes, his mouth dropping open, clearly not expecting to see her at home so early, before he murmurs her name in wonder, dropping his backpack to the floor and ambling towards her, his arms open wide.

She crosses the living room towards him, almost tripping over her own feet so fast is her pace, but nothing could keep her from reaching him as she runs to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, the force of her hug almost sending him rocking back a few steps.

“Danny… oh, Danny…”

“Hey, baby. I’m so glad to see you… I missed you, so, so much…”

That is all he can manage before he presses a kiss to her hair and squeezes her tighter, the pounding of his heart a steady rhythm beneath her ear, and she felt at home for the first time in the three weeks that he had been gone.

“I missed you, too… I really missed you…”

Dan doesn’t reply straight away, but she keeps mumbling that she missed him, and he still remains quiet the longer they are standing together, slightly swaying in place as he runs his hands up and down her back, pausing to bracket her waist even as she nuzzles his neck and breathes in his scent, every touch sending a shudder of pure pleasure through her.

“Baby?”

“Mmhmm?” She says this quite dreamily, his voice a pleasant, soothing cadence to her ears.

He inhales quite deeply, “I’m not sure how to say this without sounding weird or like some douchebag, but… I can feel your ribs through your shirt…”

Her eyes open slowly, blinking several times, both bemused and slightly puzzled. "Oh. Is that… bad?“

Dan appears to hesitate, "Well, it’s just… just a bit different, that’s all. I don’t remember feeling them this much before… not that I would be feeling for your bones or anything when I’m holding you… shit, I’m not making any sense…”

It is only when she pulls back does she realise that there is visible concern in his eyes as he looks her up and down, holding her very carefully now, before meeting her eyes,lifting his left hand to carefully trace her jawline and along her cheek in more of a careful study than a lover’s caress.

“You’ve lost weight…”

The first instinct is to feel quite pleased that he had noticed that she was somehow a bit thinner after improving her exercise routine recently and could match the standards of beauty that the modern world presented, but the look on Dan’s face is not what she expected. He doesn’t seem entirely pleased at this development at all.

“What’s wrong? Why are you staring at me like that?”

Dan is quite serious, his eyes quite sorrowful, “Please don’t tell that you haven’t been eating?”

Her heart immediately sinks at the implication, “What? No! How can you even say that?”

This was not how their reunion was meant to go. They were meant to kiss and go to their bedroom to make love and talk about everything that had happened in their lives during these last few weeks.

Now he was borderline asking if she had an eating disorder, and it was a horrible feeling. Why he would even ask that questions was upsetting as well.

“Are you sure?”

She immediately goes on the defensive, tears springing to her eyes, “Yes! I mean… I haven’t been feeling well and sometimes I forget to eat lunch but it’s not intentional. I’ve just missed you, and maybe my appetite isn’t the same, but I’m not starving myself, Danny. I promise that I’m not, please believe me. I wouldn’t do that, at least… not intentionally. I just… maybe I just wanted to feel good, to look better… but I haven’t been starving myself, I promise.”

Dan visibly relaxes, raising his hands to whisper through the length of her hair, saying gently, “Hey, hey, I believe you, I just needed to know, because I want you to be happy and healthy, not to worry about being thin because it doesn’t fucking matter.”

Perhaps it was his voice loving her back to life, having been caught in the pull of pining for him, that something clicks in her mind and makes her realise that perhaps she had been unconsciously restricting her food.

She admits quietly, her cheeks hot with shame, “Maybe I was looking at Instagram too much, at some of the models and influencers posting about their fitness routines and their weight loss progress. Maybe it was in the back of my mind or something…”

An image of Danny Sexbang dancing with gorgeaus women in bikinis flashes in her brain, and all of a sudden, she feels quite small and self obsessed as well as vaguely jealous, which was quite sudden and horrifying.

“Oh, baby. You don’t have to worry about that. Honestly, you don’t.”

Her voice is quiet, choked with tears, “I just… I want to be wonderful for you. I want to be beautiful, like all those amazing girls who are able to be so confident…”

He says quite gently, even though he was giving her a knowing look, “You know that stuff on social media isn’t real life, right? It’s all posed and made to look good by editors. Don’t even get me started on Photoshopping people. You are real and you are beautiful.”

‘But not the way those other girls are…’

“It’s not just on Instagram. I didn’t… I mean, I don’t want to belittle any of your work because it’s all amazing to be, but I really… I just imagine myself being more like your friends who appeared in your music videos at the start of NSP. I want to look good in a bikini and not want to hide away, and I wish I was more like them…” 

Dan appears quite saddened by this, which wasn’t what she wanted to do at all. She just had to go and be the awkward, pathetic girl rather than the girlfriend he deserved.

Before she can think about wanting to disappear into the floor forever, he takes her gently by the forearms, dipping his head downwards so he can look into her eyes, “Listen to me, my beautiful girl. You don’t need to be thinner and you don’t need to make yourself look like those girls. They are stunning, but you are beautiful just the way you are.”

“Really?” At this low ebb of her self-image, the thought would almost have been laughable.

“Yes. I’m sorry if any of those music videos ever made you feel insecure. That is NSP and not how I am in real life, you know? I don’t think I could be able to dance with girls in bikinis on a daily basis without feeling like a dork…”

At this, she manages to smile, and he continues in a voice that is full of sincerity, “I am in love with you, not your weight. I am in love with your smile, your kindness, and your sense of humour that always brightens my day. I don’t want you to make yourself smaller. I want to hold you in my arms every night, I want to feel you beside me when I wake up and when I come home from work. I want you to be able to enjoy food and not feel guilty or restrict yourself. I don’t want you to hurt yourself that way, okay?”

Her face crumples and she covers her eyes with her hands, overcome with shame for allowing her self-loathing to go so far, “I’m so sorry, Danny. I’ve spoiled your homecoming by my stupid, stupid self esteem. I’m sorry…" 

Dan’s breath leaves him in a rush as he hugs her close to him, "Don’t cry, baby… don’t cry… I know, I know… believe me when I say that you are beautiful and I love you the way that you are. You make me so, so, so happy…”

With that final word, he has leaned down, one hand behind her back and the other behind her knees, scooping her up into his arms and she wraps her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder with her eyes shut.

“Let’s go to bed… and I can tell you just how much I adore you, and maybe I can show you, as well, if you’d like.”

She nods, nuzzling close to his neck, breathing deeply as her tears dampen his shirt.

The thought to tell him to mind how heavy she was never even crossed her mind, so lost was she in those warm eyes that gazed at her with nothing but adoration as he carries her down the hall to the bedroom.

Once inside, after laying her down on the bed, sharing a few more passionate kisses and their clothes discarded, he makes good on that promise, with each caress of his hands and every gentle kiss to her skin, lovingly tracing her curves and every freckle, pouring vibrant colours back into her and making her feel like the most beautiful woman on Earth.

Even if her body wasn’t perfect, even if her skin wasn’t flawless or her figure matching the societal ideal, as she came undone in his arms, her cries loud as he moans her name, she felt close enough to perfect for him.


End file.
